Written by Tammy Appleton
July 11, 2025
So, tryout season is back. Again.
You know the drill… the jitters, schedules, “where’s my left cleat?”, and all the quiet (or not-so-quiet) drama that swirls around this time of year.
But here’s the thing I’m noticing now that my kid is older: This season isn’t just about the team.
It’s about leadership. Their leadership.
And our ability to let go just enough for them to step into it.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what it looks like to help our teens take more ownership of their sports journey (without triggering a full-blown standoff in the kitchen).
So I wanted to share what’s been working over here and maybe spark something for you too.
The shift: From manager to mentor
Remember when they were 8 and we packed their bags, filled their water bottles, and hovered like it was our full-time job?
Yeah… same.
But lately, I’ve been noticing this invisible tipping point. That moment when what used to feel like “helping” starts to sound like “nagging” in their ears. You’ve felt it too, right?
And so (deep breath), I’ve started stepping back in a few places. Not all at once, and not without some inner panic, but enough to give them space to lead.
Here’s what that’s looked like for us:
- Sitting down together to make a dream list of teams or tryouts… what they’re excited about, what’s realistic, what’s a stretch.
- Talking through logistics like registration costs, travel, practice times and letting them take the first pass at mapping it out.
- Encouraging them to write the email to the coach (and yes, I still peek over their shoulder, but I keep my mouth shut… mostly).
- Letting them be the one to set alarms or pack their gear. If they forget something? That’s part of the learning.
The cool part?
I’m watching this little loop unfold:
autonomy → micro-wins → confidence → more presence on the court and in life.
It’s not dramatic. It’s subtle.
But when they take ownership (even in small ways), they start to carry themselves differently.
They’re a little more grounded, a little more self-assured. It’s like watching them grow up in real time.
How do you know they’re ready?
Honestly, you might already see the signs:
- They’re doing extra work without you asking.
- They care about where they land, not just if they make it.
- They roll their eyes when you remind them of something they already know (ugh, I know).
- They’re starting to ask better questions or at least different ones.
That’s your cue because they’re trying to lead and now we get to figure out how to let them.
Yes, the fear is real.
I still worry they’ll mess something up like miss a deadline or get cut but every time I don’t rush in to fix it, I see them rise a little. I remind myself: messing up is part of the training. We’re not stepping away. We’re stepping to the side.
One final question for you…
Where’s one place you could step back and let your teen step up this season?
Maybe it’s letting them write the carpool email.
Or follow up with the coach themselves.
Or just trusting that they’ll pack their own bag (eventually).
I’d love to hear what’s working for you — reply to this post, shoot me a message, or share it with a fellow mum. Because none of us are doing this alone.
We’re all just figuring it out, one cleat and coach email at a time.
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