Written by Tammy Appleton
August 11, 2025
Leadership by Letting Go
How stepping back can help your teen step up
This week, I was digging through old notes from my son’s first big tryout season.
Back then, my calendar looked more like a corporate scheduler than a family planner—practices, tournaments, travel, and a never-ending list of “must-dos.” Honestly, I was running a mini logistics company out of my kitchen.
If you’ve been there, you know the soundtrack that plays in your head:
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If I don’t handle it, it won’t get done right.
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This is too important to leave to chance.
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They’re still just a kid – they’ll mess it up.
And beneath all that? A quiet but relentless fear:
If I let go, I’ll lose control—and they might miss their shot.
The problem?
I was making every decision for him. And in the process, I was unintentionally teaching him to rely on me for things he could absolutely handle on his own.
He showed up to play, but he never truly owned the process. And when setbacks happened, they hit even harder because he hadn’t built the muscle of problem-solving without me.
The Aha Moment
The shift came the year I started giving him small but meaningful ownership.
Things like:
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Emailing a coach himself.
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Mapping out his own tryout route.
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Taking charge of packing his gear.
And you know what? Something changed.
His body language sharpened.
He was more locked in at practices.
He even started talking strategy – unprompted.
And the fear I’d had about letting go? It melted into pride as I watched him rise.
This season, instead of questioning your intuition, honor it. Your instincts come from years of knowing your child better than anyone else.
But here’s the challenge: trusting your gut doesn’t always mean stepping in. Sometimes it means stepping back.
How to Try This Season
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Pick one task you usually manage – gear, scheduling, travel prep and hand it over.
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Show them once how to do it, then step back.
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Let them fail small if it happens. Better here, where the stakes are low, than later when they’re high.
Why It Works
Autonomy creates micro-wins.
Micro-wins build confidence.
Confidence spills onto the court and into life.
If You’re Nervous to Start
Remember this: letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care.
It means you care enough to let them grow.
Final Word:
Wins and losses are part of the game, but they’re not the whole story.
Show up for the person, not just the player.